By
Muyiwa
What is the best advice you've received?
3 years ago one of my ex-girlfriends cheated on me once. She apparently made out with
a really handsome looking dude. I was filled with rage for a long, long time
after that. I was torn though.
I felt so angry, yet I didn’t want to lose her.
I took solace in mostly seeking validation from all my guys . I
would just drink with them and Yarn with them about the matter.they'd be like:
''you dae f*ck up, make we do her strong thing "
Guys being guys, they kept on ranting
“She’s a B**tch she ain’t worth it man.”
Stuff like that. I felt better listening to all of that. I thought it
was perfectly normal for any guy to react that way.
And then one day, I told the story to a friend, who used to be my boss
in school then.
He straight up replied me, “Well what she did was wrong, but it’s not
a death sentence offence.”
Right there and then, for the first time after a while, I managed to
cool down and stop feeling so pissed off.
So here’s the thing: I think that a lot of us operate by an extreme
‘all or nothing’ mentality. This is when we go all out to feel a certain way
only just because something happened outside a certain way.
If we’re wronged, we feel all the anger we want just because we have
the right to.
If we’re hurt, we cry non-stop because we have the right to be sad.
If we’re frustrated, we complain without letting up because the
problem is still there.
I don’t want to be cliched and say that my friend taught me
forgiveness. This is not about forgiveness to me.
This is about looking deep inside yourself and knowing that there’s a
possibility of you thinking, feeling and doing something completely out of the
ordinary.
You don’t NEED to feel a certain way just because others are doing the
same or that the situation calls for it.
You can just feel something in-between instead you know?
And then from there, you call the shots. You can go ahead and forgive,
run away, chill out or just forget about the whole thing.
What I was basically doing was judging my girlfriend then.
But I was also judging myself. I was sentencing all my emotions to
depression, to extremes, which solved no problems.
so if you've been through this or presently going through one
Don’t judge yourself. You can do a lot better.
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